When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
