You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ladies don't puke and tell
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
