i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
