So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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