ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
