is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
