honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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