She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
