New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
True strength comes from lack of pants
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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