woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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