Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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