I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
