we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
