And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
