i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I met the friendliest cop last night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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