I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
