dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
