i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
