how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
