I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
