the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
