There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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