Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
