how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
