my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
