Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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