I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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