What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
