I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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