So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
