my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
