I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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