Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
