hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
