You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
