Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
