you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
