The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
