Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
