Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I did not marry a roomba.
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