Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
