Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
