I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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