I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
