Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize