I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
