Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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