Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
