I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
