she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
