How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
