I just made out with a guy for $7.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
