Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
