Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
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