got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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