You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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