google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
