Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
