Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
