He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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